The Starvation of Overindulgence:
Why Stimulation Never Satisfies, and What Actually Does (Sunday Love Letter, vol. 9)
Hey love,
Lately, a LOT of clients have been stepping into my office completely drained on every level, all talking “burnout.” Days blur, packed tight with empty tasks, punctuated only by hollow notifications and diluted connections. Everything looks vibrant, but feels muted.
Numbness sets in; overstimulated and underwhelmed, drowning in superficial chatter while yearning for something fiercely real. Tired of what is yet not sure how to name what’s missing.
After processing with quite a few, I realized a major distinction:
This isn’t just burnout even though that’s what they all called it, it’s existential malnutrition.
Something I could never get tired of teaching is that we actually starve ourselves into overindulgence, from physical obesity and addictions, to psychological numbness to spiritual materialism, and more. Whatever the vice, I’ll show you the malnourishment behind it.
Beneath every struggle lies the hunger we've ignored. Overconsumption is our desperate attempt to fill spaces left empty by lack of genuine nourishment. The irony is devastating: we stuff ourselves full, yet remain profoundly hungry.
You didn't arrive in this human form to settle for crumbs. Your heart wasn’t sculpted to remain politely hungry. Life is wild, messy, erotic, sacred. It’s grief-stricken, astonishingly beautiful chaos. It demands your full-bodied participation, your fearless desire, your unapologetic presence.
THE CURE
I’m not here to tell you to simply log off and breathe (although it’s always a great start).
I’m here to remind you: life won’t wait for you to remember your hunger. It will rush by unless you grab hold, sink your teeth in, savor its bittersweet essence. Your senses are made for depth, intensity, complexity… stop starving them!
Before I was an existential advisor, I was a personal trainer. I earned my certification in fitness and nutrition in 2000, and my first advice to clients is ironically the same now for “burnout” - FOCUS ON NOURISHMENT FIRST.
This is vital for several reasons:
What we resist persists. Put simply, our brains hate being told no. So rather than tell yourself that you don’t want that donut, that easy dick appointment, or to “rot” in bed as the kids say, scrolling mindlessly on the interwebs, instead ask yourself what you’re actually needing and give that to you FIRST. (If you still want the quick hit of dopamine after? By all means.)
Satiation always out performs mere stimulation. Imagine having the most incredible four course meal with your absolute, most favorite people, delivered by the greatest chef and waitstaff in a setting that has ambiance so mind-blowing, you’re left nearly speechless. Then, on your way home, someone suggests stopping off for fast food. You’d be incredulous. Even if it was typically tempting to you, because you’re full of everything wonderful already, you wouldn’t give it another thought. (Now put that in the context of sex, spirituality, or even money.)
Here’s the secret: you’re always choosing what nourishes you or drains you, even in the smallest moments. Your life becomes exactly what you feed it.
This week, dare to devour your life. You’re still here, brilliantly alive. Fucking act like it already.
With fierce devotion,
Tamara
P.S., For those who feel this ache profoundly, I’m building something fiercely real, a private haven for existential rebels and sensuous philosophers. A place to feed your starved soul, a sanctuary rich in truth, depth, and unapologetic living. (Details coming soon on my Substack.)