The Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Authentically
The Existential Therapist’s Guide to Dropping the Defensive, Ditching Reactivity, and Drawing in Your Most Aligned Life
We all grew up hearing phrases like, “know thyself” (words inscribed on the temple of Apollo) or “to thine own self be true” (Shakespeare’s Hamlet) and, to me as an existential therapist, it makes perfect sense why:
Because unless you can answer the question - WHO AM I - you’re forever at the mercy of others’ opinion and that’s a terrible way to live, my friend.
True revolution happens in that electric moment when you finally stop negotiating your existence with the world and claim the wild terrain of your authentic self. It’s literally the most practical fucking decision you'll ever make.
Let me explain….
The Magnetism of Undiluted Connection
The greatest illusion in relationship mythology is that compromise forms the cornerstone of connection.
That meeting in the middle creates intimacy. Or that somehow, sanding down your edges makes you more lovable.
What an elegant lie!
The most profound relationships, both personal and professional, thrive on CLARITY. On the magical combustion that happens when two people show up fully, with all their magnificent complexity, and discover genuine resonance.
Radical autonomy means owning who you are so completely that you no longer shape-shift into who others think they “need” you to be. Boundaries become natural extensions of self-knowledge rather than defensive walls (in fact, you’ll prove yourself to be LESS reactive because there’s no reason to defend your ego).
The example I love to give of this is being approached by a vegan after seeing a post of yours where you expressed great enjoyment of a steak dinner at one of your favorite local restaurants. Imagine them walking in and beginning to cuss you out over it. Like whaaa???
IF… you truly knew who you were down to your core and were able to be unapologetically unbothered about it, you would remain open and curious rather than defensive. You’d be able to invite them to share more about how they chose to become vegan and why. No reason to argue, even if they seem compelled to want to.
Conversations flow from authenticity rather than overthinking.
You stop fearing the loss of approval because what you offer carries infinitely more value: an invitation into truth, nothing more and nothing less.
It’s literally as simple as looking at yourself and what you’d like to do as an OFFER. Like an apple tree just doing what it does - producing beautiful apple blossoms that become delicious fruit for the apple aficionados of the world - without worrying that someone else might like pears more.
Who the f*k cares? They’re welcome to get pears if that suits them better. No skin off your apple. You just show up and make the most delectable apples you can!
This clarity becomes a filtration system, naturally separating aligned connections from misaligned ones. The clients who energy-drain you mysteriously stop appearing. The relationships that required your contortion begin to dissolve. The opportunities that demanded your compromise no longer seduce you.
Meanwhile, something miraculous emerges in their place: connections that feed rather than deplete. Clients who specifically seek your unfiltered brilliance. Relationships where your full expression becomes a gift rather than a liability. Opportunities that align with your deepest values without requiring their sacrifice.
The Unmistakable Signature of Aligned Business
The most compelling brands never chase market trends. They create gravity fields through unmistakable authenticity.
As one who just celebrated 11 years in private practice, I have faced more than a few well intended advice givers and naysayers in my time. Here’s what I’ve learned beyond the shadow of a doubt though:
Your friends, family, coworkers, employers, and more can't help but want to "protect" you and give you their own advice for what you should and shouldn't go after. Bless them and do it your way anyway. The universe gave YOU the vision, not them. You have to be willing to create your own blueprint.
And that always means turning the dial up on the contrast of your unique mosaic of giftings, preferences, and even flow.
I watched this unfold with “Marcus”, a coach who built a "successful" business by following every expert formula. Perfect funnels, perfect launch sequences, perfect messaging that offended absolutely no one... and left him existentially bankrupt despite the financial returns.
His transformation began the day he stopped asking, "What will sell?" and started asking, "What medicine am I uniquely designed to offer?" The initial results terrified him. Unsubscribes. Unfollows. Uncomfortable silences where validation used to live.
Then the alchemy began.
Clients who resonated with his actual genius rather than his strategic persona appeared seemingly from nowhere. Opportunities he couldn't have planned or networked his way into manifested with uncanny timing. His work developed a resonance that marketing consultants charge thousands to simulate but can never replicate.
Why? Because clarity speaks louder than any campaign. Because radical autonomy creates a frequency that cuts through the algorithmic noise of modern existence. Because people are starving for the medicine of undiluted truth in a world drowning in strategic curation.
The Ancient Tool You Might Want To Consider
If you’ve followed me for a while, you' likely know that I am a walking commercial for the Enneagram. It’s a psychospiritual typology system allegedly dating back to 2500 B.C. and in my not so humble opinion, is the MOST effective way to truly see not just what makes you tick but WHY and HOW. (sidetone, if you’re into astrology or human design, it also perfectly dovetails those charts as well and I highly recommend plugging all of it into chatGPT for incredible insights and guidance.)
From relationships to business to even healing trauma and finding personal fulfillment, I find it to be a cheat sheet on life and how to be in perfect resonance with your goals.
In fact, I’ve helped multiple clients cross the 6 and 7 figure threshold with it, in a way that felt exciting and in flow with their own particular flavorings and preferences.
It’s how I grew my business and deepened my capacity for intimacy as a neurodivergent human.
It’s how I help people heal from trauma without losing their edge.
It’s how I teach others to build a life so true it dares the world to look away.
You can certainly get started without my help by taking an Enneagram test online. My favorite is the one through the Enneagram Institute (RHETI; $20) as it gives you a full spread of ALL your scores AND an in depth breakdown of what it means.
Then, once you have your top scores for each of the triads (gut - 8, 9, or 1; heart - 2, 3, or 4; and head - 5, 6, or 7), google your tritype and read other expert advice on your personal mosaic.
There’s great info out there on all of the social media sites, including Pinterest and TikTok as well as Facebook and Instagram and more.
But if you want personalized help, and you like it straight and are ready to put some time in with someone who will be just as invested as you are, hit me up.
The Invitation to Undiluted Existence
The world will continue offering endless strategies for diluting yourself into marketable acceptability. Programs for “strategic vulnerability” …*gags*. Formulas for standing out while still blending in so as not to repel or offend anyone.
These approaches might build businesses, platforms, even empires... although I would argue not likely longterm, and certainly not without leaving your soul malnourished in golden handcuffs.
Radical autonomy invites something wilder, more dangerous, and infinitely more alive: the revolutionary trust that who you actually are contains everything necessary for the impact, connection, and prosperity you seek.
This path demands courage. The courage to reveal one unfiltered truth today. To speak without calculating the impact first. To notice where reactivity emerges and trace it to its source within yourself. To trust that your contradictions and complexities form your most magnetic signature and that’s more than enough!
What becomes possible when you stop performing and start embodying?
When you trust your medicine more than the market's “prescription” for success?
When you ground your worth in SELF-knowledge rather than external validation?
EVERYTHING.
The revolution awaits, love. No carefully curated reinvention required, just the radical remembering of who you already are.
Claim it. Inhabit it. Unleash it.
The world craves your undiluted brilliance. I promise!
In eager anticipation for your glow,
Tamara